Screw Forever
by thatmitchsentho
Summary: Santana muses on the biggest lie ever told - forever.


Santana was sitting at her desk, and it was either really late, or really early. The studio apartment was cramped, but she didn't care, she had the screen dimmed on her laptop so she didn't wake the blonde sleeping in the bed a few feet away. She couldn't sleep, so she figured she might use the quiet to do some homework. The end of freshman year wasn't too far away, so there were a couple of papers she could work on.

Philosophy was a class she kept putting off the assignment in. She didn't really like it, it was all so speculative, but she needed the humanities credit. She had the assignment outline, so she flicked it open.

_Choose one of the following words and write about a personal experience you had of it, focusing on how the experience changed your understanding on a broader scale. _

_A) Conflict  
><em>_B) Bliss  
><em>_C) Forever  
><em>_D) Alien  
><em>_E) Contentment  
><em>_F) Separation_

Forever. That was a stupid idea. Nothing was forever. So many things that were supposed to be forever didn't turn out that way. So she had resolved to not think of things as being permanent, because she didn't have the power to make everything stay the same.

She frowned at the screen, and began to type out what she was thinking about.

_Things don't last forever. Permanence is not something you can experience in this life. Permanence is when you're dead. A couple of years ago, I would have told said that I believe in forever. Now, I believe in the present._

_Your family, that's something that's supposed to be forever. And a lot of the time, they are. But sometimes, I know, that they aren't. Because things change, people change, or sometimes they don't, but when things evolve, you're suddenly very aware of the idea that forever is a fantasy, despite what you think you've known._

_Or Abuela would still pick up the phone when I call her. And my uncles wouldn't spit and pray when I talk about my girlfriend. _

_There's a feeling you have, when you're a teenager. And you're in love, the world is your oyster, and you can't imagine being any other way. You're certain that that love, that happiness, it's going to last forever. A permanent stasis of joy. And despite promises, and oaths, and vows, it never ends up being forever._

_Because forever isn't supposed to end in broken hearts, or going from being someone's everything for three years to strangers in a day._

_Even I'm not forever, not the way I am. I can't be forever, because that would mean I'd just be completely ignorant of life, of letting what happens around me become a part of me. If I gave in to permanence, I'd still be stewing over my family. And I'd still be heartbroken._

_But just because things don't last forever, doesn't mean there's no joy to be taken from it. Because once you get over the idea that permanence isn't quite as permanent as it should be, you realize that a whole bunch of moments, of days, weeks, months and years, they're the ones that matter. Forever doesn't mean a thing._

_I lost forever. I lost the forever of family when I told them I was gay. I lost the forever of that teenage love when the girl I loved dumped me for a dreadlocked guy who spoke French._

_But I gained a right now with my parents who don't care that Lopez's are always supposed to keep their secrets hidden, and a right now with my best friend who turned out to be everything I ever needed to remind me that sometimes just the idea of forever far outweighs the letdown when forever doesn't happen._

The blonde stirred and mumbled. "Santana?"

"Sorry babe," Santana said. She could make out the outline of Quinn sitting up.

"Can't sleep?" she asked sleepily. "Wanna talk about it?" Santana smiled and highlighted the text on the page, deleting the lot. Screw forever, it could wait until the morning. She closed the lid on her laptop and slid back under the sheet.

"Nothing to talk about," she murmured into the back of the blonde's neck. She felt her nuzzle backwards, and Santana slipped her arm around her. "Just looking at some homework and remembering how glad I am that things don't always stay the same."

"Me too. Because then we wouldn't be here together." Quinn knew how she felt about the forever thing. Brittany was supposed to be forever, so when she and Quinn had fallen into bed and love, she made sure to point out that forever would doom them. Luckily, it was enough to promise that she would love her as long and as best as she could. Quinn got it. Her dad wasn't forever. Finn wasn't forever. Statistically, forever was more than a longshot.

"That's right," Santana said. She pressed a kiss to the blonde's shoulder. "Hey Quinn?"

"Mmmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," Quinn replied. "And I will until I can't any more." It wasn't long before Quinn was asleep again, and Santana just held her, listening until the soft breathing lulled her to sleep.


End file.
